To Have and to Hold … Well, Not Really

I have watched with interest the whole drama around Tiger Woods unravel.

From the moment the story broke, the pieces didn’t add up. On the surface, it was a minor accident. I really wasn’t concerned about why he was out at 2 in the morning. He’s a grown man. Maybe he needed cold medicine or something. No big deal.

But I was curious about his wife crashing out the back windows, both of them, to get him out of the car. That didn’t sound right. And the fact that she heard him hit the fire hydrant and then the tree didn’t sound right. He wasn’t going fast, the reports said. Accidents like that are hard to hear.

No, the pieces didn’t add up, and I found myself thinking that the couple had had a fight and, darn it all, it had to become a public thing, which they didn’t want. Even at that, I was wishing that he’d just said “We hd a fight and I went out for a drive.” I am thinking that some of the murmuring would have died down.

But he didn’t say that, or anything else. He kept cancelling opportunities to give a statement, and let’s face it, it didn’t set well with the press. The press can be pit bull-ish if it feels like it’s getting dissed…and getting dissed it was.

And so now we hear that Tiger was having an affair, maybe two or three. Now, the pieces add up. Tiger’s wife had had enough. His statement that he had committed “transgressions” cemented in my mind that they’d had spat and that the spat most probably involved another woman. We women, especially those of us who have been through it, understand these things.

My question is this: If being faithful to one’s wife is so hard, why get married? Tiger’s wife is beautiful. She is the mother of his children. From what I can see, the women with whom Tiger had his trysts were, well, they didn’t have anything on the woman he’d married.

But apparently, their wiles were too much for Tiger to resist, and so he indulged himself. We women are not dumb. We can sense when something is not right, when there is someone else in the picture. Tiger ws naive for not knowing that…but my question still is, if he hadn’t finished sowing wild oats, why did he get married?

Marriage is serious; the vows are frighteningly commital. The fact that they are said to God makes the commitment even more pressing. Nobody makes anybody get married, therefore, nobody makes people lie and say they’ll be faithful if they have no intention of being so.

OK, so someone will say, “No, you’re wrong. I intended to be faithful but …” But what? You got tired of your mate? You didn’t know there were so many honeys in the world who would and could get your attention? You couldn’t help yourself?

I think that it takes a while to realize that the grass is not greener in someone else’s yard, that the person you married, who knows you and loves you IN SPITE OF, is a gift, and not someone who should be taken advantage of. That’s one point.

But another point is that if a person finds that he or she cannot be faithful or doesn’t want to be married anymore, he or she should be honest and get a divorce. There’s no need for murder, like Scott Peterson and so many others did, nor is there need to be unfaithful, like too many are. It is really easy to get divorced. Out of respect for one’s self, one’s mate and the God in front of whom we say the vows, divorce ought to be the MO.

There are few pains in the world like being dissed for some other woman. Hurts like hell … so I sympathasize with Tiger’s wife. And, I have to say that I am offended that he is apparently paying her $5 million to stay with him for two more years. That doesn’t set right with me, because it feels like he hs objectified her for his own purposes and needs.

But what I really do think is that people ought to pull back when it’s time, they think, to get married, and ask themselves the question, “Am I capable of being faithful?” Better to lose the gem one is considering marrying than to marry him or her and crush that gem to smithereens … which is what it feels like happened with Tiger and his wife.

Just a candid observation …

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