Last Sunday I preached a pretty stirring message, I think, on the fact that we all have demons and that part of the process of repentance involves knowing our demons, calling them out by name, and then kicking them our of our spiritual space.
I wish it were easy to do.
All my life I have struggled with insecurity. Part of it is due to the fact that I was adopted into a family which didn’t particularly care for me, and before that, was a foster child in homes where I was taken care of but was always aware that I just “didn’t belong.”
I went into myself, and, frankly, have stayed there …which does nothing to help rid myself of the demon of insecurity.
The craziest thing is that I know the demon is there. I can and do call it by name. I invite it out.
At best, it leaves by bits and starts, but, as I admonished my members last week not to do, I leave the door ajar, and the demon seems to come and go at will.
Why in the world would any of us hold onto something that is not good for us, especially when we KNOW it isn’t good for us?
I think it’s because we get comfortable with who we are and who we have always been. It is a stretch, and a scary one at that, to push a demon out, slam the door and bolt it, and begin making a new life for ourselves.
I am writing this today, because my demon is sitting next to me, whispering “sweet nothings” in my ear, playing to the sore spot which absorbs the nuggets “insecurity” always deposits into me. I am determined to get this one out of me, to send it into waiting swine who could then run into a lake and drown, my demon with them.
In the Bible passage I used to preach last week, I noted that it was the demon who spoke to Jesus, begging to be saved, not the man in whom the demon rested. The demon said its name was “Legion, for we are many.” The demon within, or this demon within me, is like a glioblastoma, a tumor with many parts, inoperable, spreading everywhere so that it cannot be pinpointed, isolated, and extracted.
So, the work of getting it out is more difficult.
But if I am to do what I was sent to earth to do, I have to get this thing out of me. Yesterday is gone. I have today, and prayerfully, tomorrow as well. I feel like I am in a battle for my spiritual life. But I want to be healed. I want the tumor out, so that I can pour water on it and watch it disintegrate, like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz.
I don’t know if anyone else understands what I just wrote …but for me, it was a candid observation…about me.
Candid Observations 
Dear cassady2euca,
You are correct many of us wrestle with inner demons. Some old and sometimes along the journey of life we inherit new ones. I think all of us if we were truly honest with ourselves have insecurity issues. Some of us may feel insecure about our weight, our looks, our jobs, our personal relationships with loved ones, and a host of other things in life.
I learned long ago that I first have to believe in the awesome power of LOVE! I was overcome at a young age by the true LOVE God has for me, despite my faults, misgivings and shortcomings. When I learned that he died for our sins on the cross I discovered that no greater Love exists than one giving up one’s life for another.
God Loves you, and has GREAT PlANS for your life! Many people love you as well! I tell my daughter often, that people on this earth and sometimes your own close personal friends, family members, and acquaintances will greatly disappoint you in life. The pain hurts for real and can be long lasting.
However, who are we but mere humans. Each of us are far from being perfect. I know deep down and often times reflect upon the fact that even Jesus had one of his closest allies declare that he didn’t know HIM!
So I choose to when feeling insecure about myself, focus on the great sacrifice of the awesome power of LOVE God has for me! And I pray that I don’t disappoint him. I also pray that he gives me the strength to keep, keeping on through all of my inner struggles and insecurities when many do not feel me or I succumb to my own weaknesses.
I really know that GOD LOVES me and he really, really really LOVES YOU too cause you’ve devoted your life to bringing others to HIM!
C. Sunny Martin
What a powerful reply to my set of rambling musings. Thank you! I find that sometimes, writing “it” down helps me get “it” out of my space. It is a constant struggle …but it’s always good to get “it” out so I can move on. Thank you for reading the piece and for offering comments!
You’re so right, the little bugger’s will follow you every where you go. What I did was begin a talk with God and asked him to free me of the little buggers, and I began to wait on the answer, and when it came to me saying to me, stop dwelling on the past and start thinking positive, and keep a positive attitude, and last but not least, continue to keep God in the forefront.
Thanks, Jack, for your words of wisdom and experience in fighting “the little buggers!” LOL!
I thank you Pastor for your honesty most of for your courage. I do understand what you are talking about in fact I called 3 demons out this week; why because I want to heal; one is the all or nothing demon has cost me dearly and today I do not want to hold on or allow it to rent space inside of me. The truth is with all or nothing attitude you don’t have to open yourself up to allow people in so it keeps you safe. This year I am committed to allowing my light to shine so people can see more of God then me. This can only happen if I place my faith and trust in God so I do not have to do the all or nothing behavior because God got me and he always has. I hope this makes sense because it does to me. I look forward to seeing you next week.
Chynia
This was great reading, and I have dealt with the word insecure myself. However, just within the past few months for some reason I decided to look at my “insecurities” in a different light. On a particular day I decided to view my insecurities as the tools that make me different from others, and to recognize they are who I am. In other words I learned to except them and realize I do have them, just like any other human being. Then, some how I was able to let them go. I now feel stronger as a person, with the understanding insecurities come and go. What’s important is to keep striving to be a better person each day.
Thank you Sherrye. Lord knows if we’d all see our demons and name them, they’d stop having so much influence in our lives. Sounds like you did that. Hooray! Thanks for reading and commenting!