Last Sunday I preached a pretty stirring message, I think, on the fact that we all have demons and that part of the process of repentance involves knowing our demons, calling them out by name, and then kicking them our of our spiritual space.
I wish it were easy to do.
All my life I have struggled with insecurity. Part of it is due to the fact that I was adopted into a family which didn’t particularly care for me, and before that, was a foster child in homes where I was taken care of but was always aware that I just “didn’t belong.”
I went into myself, and, frankly, have stayed there …which does nothing to help rid myself of the demon of insecurity.
The craziest thing is that I know the demon is there. I can and do call it by name. I invite it out.
At best, it leaves by bits and starts, but, as I admonished my members last week not to do, I leave the door ajar, and the demon seems to come and go at will.
Why in the world would any of us hold onto something that is not good for us, especially when we KNOW it isn’t good for us?
I think it’s because we get comfortable with who we are and who we have always been. It is a stretch, and a scary one at that, to push a demon out, slam the door and bolt it, and begin making a new life for ourselves.
I am writing this today, because my demon is sitting next to me, whispering “sweet nothings” in my ear, playing to the sore spot which absorbs the nuggets “insecurity” always deposits into me. I am determined to get this one out of me, to send it into waiting swine who could then run into a lake and drown, my demon with them.
In the Bible passage I used to preach last week, I noted that it was the demon who spoke to Jesus, begging to be saved, not the man in whom the demon rested. The demon said its name was “Legion, for we are many.” The demon within, or this demon within me, is like a glioblastoma, a tumor with many parts, inoperable, spreading everywhere so that it cannot be pinpointed, isolated, and extracted.
So, the work of getting it out is more difficult.
But if I am to do what I was sent to earth to do, I have to get this thing out of me. Yesterday is gone. I have today, and prayerfully, tomorrow as well. I feel like I am in a battle for my spiritual life. But I want to be healed. I want the tumor out, so that I can pour water on it and watch it disintegrate, like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz.
I don’t know if anyone else understands what I just wrote …but for me, it was a candid observation…about me.